You know You’re Asian! HAHA
You know you’re Asian when…
Your mother has a short-haired, curly perm
Your dad is some sort of engineer
Your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying you were 12 when you were really 15
You ask your parents help on one math problem and 2 hours later they’re still lecturing
You have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry
You shop 99 ranch
Everyone thinks you’re “Chinese” no matter what part of Asia your ancestors were from
You’ve had a bowl haircut at one point in your life
Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends’ kids
You’ve had to sit through karaoke videos with scantily clad, ugly Asian women attempting to dance and walk around a temple, forest, or library
Your parents say, “Don’t forget your heritage”
You drive mostly Japanese cars.
You’ve learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom
You’ve had to eat parts of animals they don’t even put in hot dogs
At least once, you’ve started a joke with “Confucius say….”
You know what bok choy is
You’ve gotten little red envelopes around February
Piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back, and closet doors
You hear (your name + eee (optional) + yah!) every time someone calls you (e.g. Jean - ee - yah! or Mary - yah!)
You have no eyelashes
Idiot people try to impress you with pathetic imitation
Asian languages, like the ever-so-popular: ching chong woo bok chi, etc..
Your parents say leaving rice in your bowl is a sin
The Bio lectures on marine life (seaweed, sea cucumbers, octopii) was last night’s dinner
Your ancestors 1000 generations back invented the back scratcher
At least one family member wears black wire/plastic frame glasses
Your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12 midnight to say, “In Korea (or other native country), we studied even more.”
Your parents expect you’ll be best friends with any one off the street in any given area as long as they are Asian
An Asian woman comes on campus and people ask: “Is that your mother?” Well then, “Is it your sister?”
Your relatives’ houses smell like incense, mothballs or both
Your parents say, “Calculus? I took Calculus in 8th grade!”
Everyone thinks you’re good at math
Your parents’ vocabulary is filled with “ai-yahs, and Wah’s”
You like $1.75 movies
You like $1.50 movies even more
Your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing from Asia with fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks, and English words that make no sense, in great colors like yellow, pink, magenta, orange, and the ever popular lime green
Your parents insist you marry within your race
You never order chop suey, sweet and sour pork, or any other imitation of oriental food
You either really, really want to go to UCI or really, really want to stay away from it
Your parents have never kissed you
Your parents have never kissed each other
You learned about the birds and the bees from someone other than your parents
“You want a stereo?! When I was your age, I didn’t even have shoes!!”
People see a bunch of scribbles on a chopstick and ask you to translate
You have to call just about all your parent’s friends “Auntie and Uncle”
You have 12+ aunts and uncles
At expensive restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water for your beverage and NEVER order dessert
Your parents simply cut the green/black part off the bread and say “Eat anyway. It’s still good.”
The vast majority of the people related to you wear glasses. Thick glasses.
You will most likely be taller than your parents
Your parents have either make you play the piano, the violin, or both
You get nothing if you do well in school, but crapped on if you don’t
When going to other people’s houses, you always have to bring a gift
Your dad still pulls his socks up to his knees, you know, the ones with the blue and pink stripes at the top
Your family owns a tennis racquet, golf clubs, or both
Your family always cheers for the Asian athlete on TV (i.e. Michael Chan)
The furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet, the decorations, or any of the rest of the furniture
You have rocks, sticks, leaves, and strange-smelling, unknown substances in your pantry for use as medicine
You own a rice cooker or two
You buy soy sauce by the gallon
Your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head
Your parents tell you about how long it took for them to get to school, how horrible the weather was in their native country, and how much they still appreciated going
Your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so you can “grow into it” and wear it for years to come.
IF THIS SOUNDS LIKE YOUR FAMILY, WELCOME TO THE BIGGEST ASIAN GROUP ON FACEBOOK (hopefully…).
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GROUPIE CONTRIBUTIONS:
“Everyone asks if you eat dog” - Erin Hong 01/17/2007
“Your parents’ vocabulary is filled with ‘ai-yahs’ and ‘wahs’ as well as aiyo, la, ah, ma, and many more…” - Jasmine Luk 01/17/2007
“Your parents say, ‘Your cousin/aunt/my friend’s kid gets A’s in school and is going to medical school! WHY AREN’T YOU?’ ” - Mary P. 01/18/2007
“Your mom or your aunts have all had plastic surgery.” - Allyssa Kim 01/22/2007
“You know exactly what kind ofgirl you like cause your mom told you.” - Carlo Panlasigue 01/23/2007
“You’ve never bought trash bags in your life. In fact, you didn’t even know they sold those, because your parents always used old grocery bags.” - Pia Won 01/23/2007
“Everyone in your family is comfortable with sitting on the floor.” - Pia Won 01/23/2007
“You don’t understand why white people keep tripping off of corporal punishment, isn’t that a way of life?” - Pia Won 01/23/2007
“When you finally think you’ve done something to make your parents proud, there’s some 12-year-old kid in the newspaper who got a 2400 on the SAT, whom you must now hear about for three hours from your not-so-proud mom.” - Pia Won 01/23/2007
“Your parents never talk to you about safe sex with you but expect you to know.” - Alice Lau 01/23/2007
“Your parents try to feed your pets left over dinner instead of real pet food.” - Alice Lau 01/23/2007
“Your dad points with his middle finger, and when you ask him why he does it, he simply tells you its longer than your index finger.” - Abraham Chen 01/23/2007
“Your parents give you their clothes to wear, you outgrow them, and you give it right back to them later on.” Viet Nguyen - 01/23/2007
“You turn ridiculously red after one drink and you get stuck with a nickname like “tomato”, “cherry”, or something to that effect…” - Regina Tay 01/24/2007
“You walk into a white person’s house and they’re like do you want something to drink, and you’re like ‘NO NO, it’s okay, don’t need it’ just to be polite, when in reality, you’re thirsty to death.” - Ming Qu 01/24/2007
“You know you’re asian when you get in trouble for dating while you’re in school and then get in trouble for not having a wife when you finish school.” - Clarence Giang 01/24/2007
“One of your parents or grandparents (or both/all) go powerwalking.” - Vivian Kuei 01/24/2007
“You don’t use the central AC or heater.” - Vivian Kuei 01/24/2007
“You wear house slippers.” - Vivian Kuei 01/24/2007
“You automatically take off your shoes at the door and your friends stare at you like you’re nuts.” - Vivian Kuei 01/24/2007
“You add water to juice, shampoo, soap, etc. to make them last longer.” - Vivian Kuei 01/24/2007
“You buy in bulk because it’s cheaper.” - Vivian Kuei 01/24/2007
“Your friends are mostly Asian also.” - Vivian Kuei 01/24/2007
“You wonder why people buy shirts or get tatoos with characters they can’t read.” - Vivian Kuei 01/24/2007
“You stir-fry or boil almost everything you eat.” - Vivian Kuei 01/24/2007
“You don’t throw away old stuff and stash them for “future use” or to give away to friends.” - Vivian Kuei 01/24/2007
“Hand-me-downs are a necessity.” - Vivian Kuei 01/24/2007
“You hear about your friends through your mom before you even hear about it from your friend through the Asian mom network.” - Vivian Kuei 01/24/2007
“You take off your shoes when you come into the house.” - Joanna Yang 01/25/2007
“Your mom brings you home fake goods and insists that they are very fashionable.” - Joanna Yang 01/25/2007
“Tin foil is used to protect your oven/stove.” - Joanna Yang 01/25/2007
“The oven is mainly used as storage, and is hardly used for baking.” - Joanna Yang 01/25/2007
“You know your asian when you use your dishwasher as a dish rack and not use it.” - Viet Tran 01/26/2007
“You mentioneod who was the “smartest kid in the class” when you were seven, and your parents remember the kid’s name and still compares you to that kid until the end of high school even though you haven’t been in touch with that kid for at least 6 years.” - Alisa Zheng 01/26/2007
